The Agony of Defeat

A heartbreaking loss in the 2010 Winter Knitting Games.

First, I didn't swatch, because swatches lie anyway. So I got about 60% done and decided the body of the scarf, done in stockinette, was too tight, and I needed a garter stitch border as well as a bigger needle. So I frogged it mercilessly during a conference call at work.

My next attempt had a bit too much garter along the lace side edge after the increases. I ripped it out a second time, but was only about 10% along that time.

I was not sure I'd have enough yarn, so I thought I'd alternate rows with a 3rd skein I had of the yarn from a different dyelot. Alternating rows is supposed to work! The internet says so! The internet lies. Froggy Frog Froggerson.

I was about 40% into it again, and realized I had an entire garter stitch row about 4 inches below where I was. RIPPIT, RIPPIT.

Today, I started the lace border and I ended up ripping it out and restarting it because I had buggered the increases.

Finally, FINALLY I got the lace edge as I like it but it is apparent I do not have enough yarn for a picot bind off and I don't think it will look right with a straight bind off. So the Scawl (Scarf-Shawl) is going to hang about on the 60 inch circular needle until I can get some black yarn so I can knit a border all around and then do the picot bind off.

Did I mention I gave up buying yarn and books for Lent. Oh yes, I did. I thought I'd give the savings to charity. Looks like I will actually be giving it to Charlie's Dentist. Darth Vader costume. Cape-related accident. You get the idea.

Book 8: The Ten Word Game

I learned a new word! The style of this narrative is picaresque. Other books in this style are Don Juan, Tom Jones, and presumably, Diary of a Man Whore.

The single named protagonist of this is Lovejoy. Apparently there are a gajillion novels in the series and this just happens to be the one I picked up. Lovejoy is a 'divvy', a diviner who can feel it in his body if he is in the presence of a genuine antique vs a fraud. It doesn't sound like a pleasant experience. I don't know either, how this is supposed to work in London where so many of the buildings are older than most everything in Nebraska, for instance.

There are a lot of characters in this book-- more characters than intrigue I am sorry to say. And of course, Lovejoy boinks all of the women. He's one of those annoying men who says they love all women when really it's that they love having sex with all women and don't actually love any specific woman. I find this sort of man supremely irritating. Shocking, right? I sort of suspect a little of the Unreliable Narrator in that all the women he meets really want to have it off with him. He's not eloquent and he seems to eat like a pig. Since the earliest book came out in 1977, it's not like he's in his prime or anything. Do you suppose when he drops trou' that the Old Man Smell emanates from his junk?

Lovejoy (seriously, is he a granola-gigolo?) has all sorts of quaint slang-- Making Smiles in the Lantern Hours. DONNEZ MOI UNE BREAK. The only worse euphemism for sex can be found on infertility bulletin boards: Baby-dancing. "The kids are staying overnight at my mother in law's so we are making smiles. Yeah, I am gonna babydance his brains out" No. Just. . . No.

The persona is bigger than the mystery, which doesn't make it much of a mystery.

Book 7: Darkest Hour

The 4th Mediator book. This time. . . it's personal! Suze's hot, ghostly roommate is the focus of this one. They are installing a hot tub and the digging unearths a box of letters that Jesse got from his fiancee, Maria de Silva, before he died. This brings Maria's ghost around and she is both stupid and angry. A delightful combination to be sure. Suze also meets a young kid who happens to be a mediator. You would think this would make her reevaluate her rather violent ghost busting methods, but not so much. It should be interesting to see if she ever grows up and learns to get along with the undead.

Curling is Not A Sport

In the Knitting Olympics. All that Stockinette was making a giant tube so I frogged the hell out of it. I was on a conference call where I'd have preferred to be ripping people verbally. Stupid Team Player. I tried a bit of seed stitch but I had trouble with the counting after increases. So, I am going to reknit on larger needles, with a garter stitch border.

Book 6: Reunion

Another Mediator installment from Meg Cabot. Suze is sort of in a rut. She is clinging to her ass-kicking ways instead of MEDIATING. I think Fr. Dominic should have her look up the word in the dictionary. The 4 angry ghosts in this one are pretty much vapid jocks who have it in for the guy who caused their fatal crash. Unfortunately, that guy is a nerd and there is some antinerdism in this book. Do Not Want.

Book 5: The Vampire's Assistant

The second Darren Shan book. This one is Even More Gross and Scary! I am pretty sure my younger kid is going to love these some day. Darren is travelling around with Mister Crepsley, getting the hang of being half Vampire- half Human. He misses having friends so they meet back up with the Cirque du Freak so Darren can be friends with Snakeboy. Mister Crepsley is a pretty sympathetic character in this book. Again, there are a series of events spiralling out of control and leading ultimately to a pretty downer ending. From reading the prologue of the 3rd, looks like that will be more of the same. It's nice that the Vampire Lifestyle is not glamorized. Snicker. That must be so comforting for the type of Christian who thinks the Harry Potter books are Satanic Propaganda.

Book 4: The Ninth Key

This is the second of the Mediator books by Meg Cabot. Suze is looking into a local real estate big shot who may be a murderer. Or maybe he's a vampire. In any event, his son is a hottie mctottie. This one seemed like there was a lot going on in terms of the plot. Not in a complex way so much as in convoluted. It was still pretty funny though. I would like to see Cabot do a little more research though about the Catholic church if she is going to keep Suze in Catholic school.

Book 3: Cirque Du Freak: Living Nightmare

Darren Shan has written a series of Vampire novels for younger readers-- tweens? They are not quite for the young adult shelf. In this first one, the main character (also named Darren Shan) attends a Freak Show where he sees some amazing performances but also gets sucked into a chain of events that are beyond his control.

Darren and his buddy, Steve(?) attend, and after the show his buddy stays behind. He has seen and recognized that one of the freaks is an old Vampire (Mister Crepsley)he read about in a book. Darren stays behind because he is drawn to a magnificent performing spider, but seeing his friend confront Crepsley gives him ideas. Darren decides to come back later and steal the spider, leaving a note that says he will expose Crepsley if he comes after the spider. It's really true to the logic of a kid that age, to think they have the upper hand but have really not thought all the way through things. It is not as fun as you might think-- delivering that sort of smackdown to the short-thinking kid. Darren doesn't plan for the spider being poisonous. Nor does he plan for Mr. Crepsley being the only way to get anti-venom. Or for the payment he will have to make. Even after Darren makes good on his deal to Mister Crepsley, he tries to avoid the ultimate consequences of it.

The creepy factor of the book was greater than I had imagined a kids book would have. It's been a while since I read kids' books and the scary ones were not half as scary as the original forms of most fairy tales. The whole kids section at Books A Million (who has the biggest by far in the Omaha area) seems to be busting at the seams with fantasy, horror, and sci-fi books lately. I am eager to read more of it by other authors. I think the Sisters Grimm series is promising.

Book 2: My Life In France

I finished this one in the second week of January and I liked it so well I didn't want to review it. I don't wat to sell it too highly to others who might not overlook its shortcomings.

The food-- oh the food. Lovingly described in detail over and over. It's not a book for dieters. Too much suggestion. Too much tempation.

The storytelling is mostly linear with many, many tangents. It was a lot like talking to my Grandmother used to be. sniff Julia speaks warmly of those she loves and pretty plainly about those she did not. (Also like Grandma B.) Julia is lefty in her politics and describes her repeated clashes with her father over their differences. I feel for her-- it is often difficult with my dad who, like hers, can't just agree to disagree. She is somewhat circumspect about her husband, Paul's, government job and how they handled the McCarthyism and other Cold War challenges.

If you are thinking of writing a book, Julia's account may scar you for life. My GOD! She makes it seem like a total pain in the ass. Of course, she also had to hand type everything and send it by overseas mail.

Citius, Altius, Fortius

I'm knitting a worsted weight baktus-style scarf, with an added on ruffle (in a nonprincess sort of manner) for the 2010 Knitting Olympics. I am eager to cast on tonight during the opening ceremonies. For my training, I have knitted 3 more hats so far this year for the charity bin. I think I am getting a bit of the repetitive stress injury from the combination of computer work and knitting fun.


In other yarnly news, I have fallen behind in the picture taking of finished objects as well as the stash-logging at Ravelry. I did finally break down and get the interchangeable harmony wood needles from Knit Picks. They Are Fantastic. So much slicker and pointier than clover. I am tempted to take a pencil sharpener to my other bamboo needles.

First Finished Object

Needles: Size 6US, 2 circulars
Yarn: Lion Wool Ocean Blue Prints, about .75 skein

Pattern: Improvised (guess how this will end!)

Cast on 80, K1P1 ribbing for 6 rows
Row 7 *K2 m1 (120 stitches)
Rows 8 - 14 K
Place markers every 12 stitches to show where decreases go
Row 15 *K10, K2Tog 110 stitches remaining
Row 16 and all remaining even rows K
Row 17 *K9, K2Tog 100 stitches remaining
Row 19 *K8, K2Tog
Row 21 *K7, K2Tog
Row 23 *K6, K2Tog
Row 25 *K5, K2Tog (this is a good place to switch to DPNs, you should have 60 stitches left)
Row 27 *K4, K2Tog
Row 29 *K3, K2Tog
Row 31 *K2, K2Tog
Row 33 *K1, K2Tog
Row 35 *K2tog 10 stitches remaining
Row 37 *K2tog 5 stitches


What this produces is a child sized tam, atop a generously sized brim. Since I am not a child, this was something of a disappointment. Too feminine to be worn by either of my children. So, I will have to send FailTam to a charity that accepts all woolen items, like Afghans for Afghans perhaps. This was a test knit for my planned pattern for some Cash Vero and Dream in Color yarn. Now I know that I should perhaps K1, M1 right after the brim and do fewer than 10 decreases every other round to make the tam more of a slouchy plate. Furthermore, the brim ought to be knit on size 5 needles to create the level of snugness I like and keep a neater looking rib.

Knitters Without Borders

Ganked from Wil Wheaton

http://www.steelheadstudio.com/100cupcakes/

OMG! Cupcakes! Decorated like games! For! The! Win!

Book 1: Jailbait Zombie

Book 1? Seriously? Ok, 2010. Whatever. I shall roll back the odometer. Pageometer? No, wait. Bibliodometer.

So Jailbait Zombie-- another fun read from Mario Acevedo. This time, Felix Gomez is hunting some persistent and un(super)naturally intelligent zombies to protect the secret of the supernatural from regular folks. Felix also has to find out who is reanimating these undead and eliminate them too. Should he fail in his mission, the Vampire Bosses will send his buddy to stake him and skin him. No pressure, Felix! Of course, there is some weird psychic-mojo stuff going around and giving him crazy visions. And then the Mob gets mixed up in it! I do not know how so many genres can be crammed into one book without making a big, hot mess. Still, this amalgam of genres is what really draws me to these books. They could go so horribly wrong, like Frankenstein! Yet they have thus far ended up like quilts. I hope to God that Acevedo doesn't overshoot the mark, like the Harry Dresden series did. After he saved the whole universe, it was all sort of a letdown.

Along for the ride with Felix is Phaedra. She is the (mortal) child of a mobster, living with the death sentence of a terminal illness and the changes in her brain have allowed her to see things she shouldn't. She is in on The Secret and the Vampire Overlord Council wants her eliminated as well. Phaedra wants Felix to turn her to a vampire, cheat her disease-- something he has not done before and is reluctant to do. Phaedra is a trainwreck of dysfunction and she ends up being even more crazy than I realized. The last few pages, oof. A little disturbing.

It's interesting that in the whole vampire genre, I've yet to read of a Vamp who is all gung ho and evangelical about the blood sucking thing. The rules of the fiction (as currently written) seem to dictate that the Vampire feel shame for what (s)he is. Usually when a vampire makes another, it is because of force, accident or some sort of tortuous loneliness. Usually, if it's done on a whim or as a joke or a trick, the character turning another into a vampire is Eeeeeeeeeeeevil. It's as if writers are ashamed of immortality. Interesting.


Also? Acevedo's picture on the back of the book? Muy guapo. Sigh.

In other Book News-- I am reading the Harry Potter books to my son and it is so awesome. There was a time I wasn't sure I would have kids and it is really so much better than I imagined. It's also a lot harder, but today I'm just inexplicably grateful for what I have. Augie has always been more like Jason than like me and to find things we can do together is really precious to me. For just a few minutes he is snuggled up to me with all these long, slight, spindly limbs of his and he doesn't want to be anywhere else.

Resolved

In 2010 I have a few modest goals:

1. Learn to Knit Lace and Socks
2. 52 books in 52 (more) weeks
3. Learn Visual Basic
4. Take the boys to swimming lessons
5. Go to Church at least twice a month
6. Do something movementy (let us not use the E word) 5 days a week

(Adjective) New Year!

I'm shooting for easy instead of happy.

Book 53: A Duty To The Dead

I believe this mystery was one of the NextReads recommendations I get by email from the Omaha Public Library. I highly recommend signing up for that from their website. You select the genres and each one gets a monthly email of recommended books. I save them for those times when I just don't know what I want to read.

A Duty to the Dead is by Charles Todd-- apparently a mother and son writing team. I cannot imagine such a thing. I am certain there would be insurmountable creative differences when I refused to include Jedis or Robots. The heroine of this mystery is Bess Crawford, a British Military nurse during WWI. Prior to the opening of the book, Bess had promised Arthur Graham that she would deliver his dying message to his brother-- a wrong must be set right. Bess has delayed in fulfilling this wish, but after the hospital ship she is on is sunk and she nearly dies, she realizes she has a duty to the dead.

Arthur's family is a trainwreck, a closed-mouth sort of trainwreck. There are three living brothers-- one who is unfeeling, one who has a clubfoot, and one locked in an asylum for the criminally insane. There is also a frosty stepmother and her nearly silent cousin. In setting right the wrongs, Bess has to dig around and pry quite a bit and naturally, the family sets up as many roadblocks as possible.

The pacing of this was quite good. There were some unexpected turns of events. I must say that I thought justice was poorly served on the family members. The ones left living ought to have paid more and the ones who paid with their lives ought to have paid less.

Bess's family also makes an appearance in the book-- her parents and her father's bat-man provide the appropriate contrast to the Graham family. At the same time, they are rounded enough to serve in future installments of the series. I may have to check out the other series by this duo-- the Ian Rutledge mysteries.

Book 52: When He Was Wicked

A reread of one of Julia Quinn's Bridgerton series. I find it refreshing that the characters are worried about run of the mill things like barrenness, malaria and dying in childbirth. None of the dangerious spy-based intrigue or hidden treasures or paranormal crap.

Tangentially, I finally saw the "Twilightized" cover of Wuthering Heights at the bookstore. It has a sticker that says "Edward and Bella's Favorite Book." Of Course It Is. It's Stalkers: Old School. Stupid Sexless Teen Morons.

The heroine of this book, Francesca, is a widow. The hero, Michael is her late husband's cousin, heir and BFF. He happens to have been secretly in love with Frannie for quite some time. He was immediately taken with such guilt at John's death that he went to India for six years and got malaria. So there is a certain amount of dithering between "John would want us to be happy. . ." "How could I do this to John." Fortunately, among all the mindfuckery there is some of the real stuff. A little veiled dirty talk, certainly nothing compared to the type of dirty talk one might find in actual porn.

Going forward, I am considering a Filth-O-Meter rating system. I shall have to get out my notepad and devise a system. I promise to test it rigorously. I shall devise a questionnaire for my Contractually Obligated Fuck Buddy. (He came up with that term, not me, for the record.)

So, I have made my goal of 52 books for the year, with three days to spare! I am quite close to finishing number 53-- probably later today. Numbers 54 and 55 are also well underway. I have cast aside number 56-- Gossip Girl. Wow, does it ever suck the big one. So, watch this space for a couple more book reviews this year.

Book 51: The Mediator

I stumbled on this book through the ebooks selection with the Omaha Public Library. Meg Cabot writes some funny contemporary romance for grown ups and I decided to try this paranormal young adult series as some light reading to store on my laptop. The heroine of our series is a Mediator-- she sees ghosts and helps them resolve whatever is keeping them here in the material world. Her style of ghostly mediation is typical teenager-- reckless, oblivious to danger, a little lacking in subtlety.

Suze has just moved to California from New York after her mom (a widow) remarries a carpenter with three sons. Not a lot of character development in these four guys or Suze's mom. Suze isn't so happy to leave her best friend and her hometown. Thankfully she is about 87% less of a whiner about it than Bella F. Swan. Suze's new house is an old place and her new room has a young, male hottie in it. I fear we are being set up for the ridiculous sexless teen romance in future books. So realistic!

Suze is also enrolled in co-ed Catholic school. I am interested to see if there is any theology in other books and if it is remotely accurate. Turns out that there is an older priest teaching at the school who has the same gift as Susannah. Sadly, Susannah has not yet gotten smart enough to take advice from a grown up. Maybe in book 2.

The big Mediator conflict here is that Suze has only gotten into the school because a girl blew her brains out over Christmas break. She's not too happy to see that she has a replacement. Things rapidly spiral out of control due primarily to Susannah thinking she knows better than the experienced mediator. Sigh. Teenagers.

Book 50: Undead Kama Sutra

Half the fun of reading the Felix Gomez books in public is how distasteful the titles are to Twilight Fans. I can't wait to pick up Jailbait Zombies at the library. In this book, Felix is sent by both a dead client and the Araneum (like Godfathers, only bitier) to investigate and eliminate an alien menace. His leads take him to Florida where he meets up again with, Carmen a vamp with a ravenous appetite.

Carmen joins him on the investigation because her Chalice (aka snackfood) has gone missing while looking into some of the same strange circumstances. Carmen's side project is that she is researching (and doing some field work) on a Kama Sutra which restores psychic energies and may help Vampires be more human. Felix finds that Carmen has discovered a venomous spider whose bite returns the color to their skin and allows them to move more freely during the day-- temporarily at least. Some great action sequences and an ending of mixed results. I do like that these books have that hardboiled mentality about them-- the mystery is solved but it has left an indelible mark on Felix.