G-Force

So today, my dad and the boys outvoted me and we went to see G-Force. It. Was. Bad. They blew the budget on celebrity voices and there was not money left to get talent for the human characters. They could have used a little charisma in the human villain and the guy who trained the special agent rodents. Nicholas Cage is reusing the voice he did in Peggy Sue Got Married. Shudder.

The script was pretty lame. I can only remember one original (sort of) funny line in the whole thing. The other attempts at humor were based on the hope that if guinea pigs repeated the quotable lines from other action movies it would be some sort of hoot.

Unfortunately, I must also report that 20 Grand Theater in Omaha is now onto the Pepsi products. Yech. I wish more places would set up the fountain to dispense soda water. I would pay the crazy theater price for water with bubbles.

Book: 30 The Return of the Earl

I suppose this was supposed to be suspenseful- Is Christian the Earl or isn't he? Who framed Christians father and got them sent to an Australian Penal Colony? Will Julianne ever give it up? Eh, this one was not so entertaining. The book went on for quite a while, with a lot of dithering around and not much in the way of action. Not much in the way of action either, IYKWIMAITYD

A True IM-- where names have been changed

My Workspouse[2:12 PM]:
I just finished clearing out the fridge.
Spice, Mamma [2:12 PM]:
find any of my stuff in it?
My Workspouse[2:12 PM]:
I found relish that had a best by date of Oct 2007
My Workspouse[2:13 PM]:
A frozen can of beer with a 2006 date on it
My Workspouse[2:13 PM]:
A frozen Pibb with a 2007 date on it.
My Workspouse[2:14 PM]:
The yogert only had month dates one them, but they were behind the Pibb
My Workspouse[2:14 PM]:
First time its been cleared since you left over here
My Workspouse[2:14 PM]:
Its still not clean
My Workspouse[2:14 PM]:
But it is empty
My Workspouse[2:15 PM]:
and thawing
Spice, Mamma [2:15 PM]:
that is disgusting
Spice, Mamma [2:16 PM]:
did I come over in 2006 or 2007
Spice, Mamma [2:16 PM]:
2006
My Workspouse[2:16 PM]:
yes it is. I finally got tired of the mess. I asked who it all belonged to. The response I got, "We have a Fridge!?!?!"
Spice, Mamma [2:17 PM]:
so three years?


I can't believe someone could work here for this long and not touch that beer.

Comments are back on

Oops.

If You Go Carryin' Pictures of Chairman Mao

OMG Rockband: Beatles

Past Performance Is Not A Guarantee of Future Returns

I certainly have a lot to say this week. Don't take this as a sign that I will write regularly.

I never did hear back from the person who posted about Karma on Craigslist. I suppose it is too much to hope for that they were overwhelmed by a tidal wave of awesome. My karma remains much the same.

I am going to start tagging all book posts with the 52books tag.

Adrian McKinty. His first novel, Dead I Well May Be, was my favorite read of 2006. Yes, it came out in 2004, but I don't get out much. I cannot recall how I came across it. He has a nice blog entry today about how his book was endorsed by Frank McCourt. About the book-- a great tale of violent revenge which is also laced with creative profanity and garnished with a wee bit of sex.

Regarding the late Frank McCourt-- Angela's Ashes is perhaps the saddest family story I've read since Jude the Obscure. (Because we are to meny.) Frank's first book about his youth is packed with a lot of tragedy. Proceed with caution.

Not So G8 Akshully

I own about 1 gajillion books and over the last decade I have gotten squeezed out of more than half of all available shelf space in my house. As a result, I have about 8 boxes of books that I periodically rummage through looking for one single tome. You know how that ends? I only sometimes find that book but I always find at least 2 other relevant to my reading mood. I am reading Two Guys Read Jane Austen (funny and wise) and wanted to pull out my favorite Austen: Sense and Sensibility. Instead I found Emma, Pride and Prejudice, Northanger Abbey and Mansfield Park. Also, a volume of letters between Austen and her sister. There are still a couple of boxes to look through and several nooks where I have stacked books. What I really need to do is go through the whole whizbang with someone along to hold my hand and be stern with me while I purge. It would help if it was someone suitably burly who would cart them down to the trunk of my car. I wonder if Clooney is available?

Oh, and I have to meet with my boss's-boss's-boss's-boss today. This means a shirt with a collar, and not swearing. Great.

Something Happy From the News

Famous Woodstock Couple Still Rockin'. Actually, my parents also got married in 1969 and are still together.

Book 29: Scandal

So, after the last disastrous offering by Amanda Quick I felt compelled to go back and read one of her earlier works. Yes, I liked her before she was popular, I'm just as annoying as most of the people who like The Smiths, REM, and U2. Yay, me!

Scandal came out in 1991, but I read it in 1993. In my college dorm room. It was a pretty great year actually. I also recall that my boyfriend at the time mocked my reading materials. Who's laughing now? Really?

Incidentally, in order to read this book again, I had to go to a used book store to find a copy. I missed closing time at Mary's Used Books on Maple and went to Half Price Books on Center. I am sorry to report that I forgot the name of the store long enough to ask some buttmunch working there how much the book would be. "Umm. Half Price Books." What a cock! You think he acts like a dick to people in the philosophy section? I should have put the Evil Eye on him.

Let's agree not to make fun of people for what they read, even the Left Behind books.

The nice thing about historical romance novels is that it takes a long, long time for them to read as dated since they start out that way already. The other nice thing is that you don't have to read tedious descriptions of people's jobs since the heroines and heroes are pretty much all the idle rich. Really, the last thing I want interspersed among the clinches is talk of spreadsheets.

The book holds up: I did still enjoy it. The heroine (Emily) was smarter than I remembered. I fear I can no longer read a romance novel without the terms used by the Smart Bitches website bouncing around my head. We have a clear case of The Magic Hoo-Hoo in here. The hero (Simon) realizing he is in looooooooooove because of the fantastic nookie. I have not found this particular talent to be of much use in Real Life. Thank God I can get by on brains, I guess.

I had forgotten what a useless twerp Emily's father was. Actually, I remembered more about the descriptions of dresses than I did of the secondary characters. I'd forgotten most of the tertiary ones entirely. (I sort of look forward to dementia, when everything old is new again. I hope my eyesight holds out.)

The story is evenly paced-- a lot of times (edited to add-- in this genre, not this particular novel) there is too much exposition or an ending that is too rushed. The conclusion satisfactory. I was pleased that Emily's father didn't suddenly reform and become noble. He wasn't an outright villain, but he was pretty much unchanged at the end, and that was believable.

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the (Craigslist) Forum

In the artist section, looking for ideas on repurposing a few things I saw the word "KARMA"

This is what the listing said.

karma

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You opened it. So you must believe in it too, Something good will happen to you between 12:00 PM - 9:00 PM tomorrow, it could happen anywhere or any time. You will fix your relationship problems for the next 2 years. Maybe it was someone you once loved (or still do) and can't get them out of your mind, or money or something you lost,or just someone just gives you a helping hand. re-post this in another city within the next five minutes. You will get the shock of your life tomorrow, I believe I hope you do too, karma is good what do you have to lose? You never know when the Ride is Over,So Hold on,Enjoy the Ride,& Make it Count.

Yeah, I'll keep you posted. Actually, I sort of want to email the poster and find out if any karmic changes came of that posting. I sort of suspect the hand of karma is slow and imprecise.

Book 28: I'll Never Be French (No Matter What I Do)

This is a nice little memoir by an author you probably don't know, Mark Greenside. Mark Greenside went to Brittany for a summer in 1991, for a woman. The relationship did not survive the summer, but happily, we are not subjected to the details of that. His neighbor, Mme. P, convinced him to buy a house and so Greenside made a long term, legally binding commitment to Brittany-- the End of the Earth, or the Beginning, depending on whether you ask in French or in Breton. This is American BoHo version of A Year in Provence. Better than the PoMo version would be, I'd wager. Where Mayle had endless pages of food and wine and olive oil, Mark Greenside is more about navigating relationships with his new neighbors. Where Mayle's book was all head, Greenside balances the head with the heart. It is not confessional in tone, there is no awkward oversharing. You have me for that.

Thursday Link

One Squirrel, One Cup. Can we agree to let turns of that phrase die?

Tangled Lace-weight

What do you do with the tangled lace-weight?
What do you do with the tangled lace-weight?
What do you do with the tangled lace-weight
Early in the evenin'?

Scream at the dog who chased the boy-o!
Scream at the dog who chased the boy-o!
Scream at the dog who chased the boy-o
Right into the yarn swift!

Cram it in a bag and drink some red wine!
Cram it in a bag and drink some red wine!
Cram it in a bag and drink some red wine!
Early in the evenin'!

That’s what we’ll do with the tangled lace-weight,
That’s what we’ll do with the tangled lace-weight,
That’s what we’ll do with the tangled lace-weight,
Early in the evenin'?

Sigh. I spent a stupid amount of money on 2 hanks of Orenburg Lace by Cherry Tree Hill from an individual on Ravelry. When I got it, it seemed suspicious. A little googling revealed that the label didn't match those displayed on the Cherry Tree website-- wrong type of paper. I was had. I put the yarn in the closet to think about what to do.

Some time ago, I decided I would salvage the situation by plying the 2 shades together-- chocolate brown and a true red. Only the swift got knocked over by Chas the Spaz and Barkimedes. I tossed the whole thing in the closet and decided I would untangle it later, at my leisure.

Today I decided to toss the whole mess into a plastic bag and use the swift for some hanks of Swish Bulky. So now I have a big mess in a ziplock gallon bag. I should toss it in the garbage, but I keep thinking maybe I will have an outbreak of extreme patience. Please stop laughing.

Also, I've started and frogged a pinwheel blanket 3 times today. Luckily it is a mere 7 stitch cast on. I am about to frog it again. I couldn't figure out why the damned thing won't lie flat. I forgot to KNIT THE EVEN ROWS WITH NO YARN OVERS. Fricking DUH.

Book 27: Blood Alone

My favorite of my vacation reads! (Though I still have 4 more days and hope to knock out another book) This may be the best of the Billy Boyle books yet. This time, Billy comes to in Sicily with amnesia. I know! I normally despise the literary device of amnesia. James Benn does a stellar job though.

Billy is on a mission for Uncle Ike, rather than in Sicily to solve a mystery. He has a yellow silk handkerchief and must find out who gave it to him, why he was given it, and to whom he is supposed to deliver it. Meanwhile, people keep either getting killed or trying to kill him and there is a war going on. Italians are surrendering right and left, but the Fascist Government is still deeply in denial. Billy figures it all out, but he also figures out who he is, and what he's really made of.

I don't know what else I can say about this book that won't be a spoiler. I do hope that ultimately, when World War II is over, that Billy can have some Cold War adventures with Ike and Kaz and Harding.

Book 26: Midsummer Moon

This book comes highly recommended by the Smart Bitches. I will warn you, it is very long, even by historical romance standards. Also, it is jam packed with historical science-- even more esoteric than the regular science. I liked the science though. And as I was on vacation the length was not an issue. The heroine was pretty much a total dork, which should be right up my alley. However. . .remember Shine? Yeah, the romance in Midsummer Moon was about as hot as the one in Shine.

The hero was not very interesting or appealing. I recall he had a ridiculously long name but I don't recall what the hell it was. Rather high-handed fellow, with some sort of government involvement that was never properly explained but which was apparently ESSENTIAL to the defeat of Bonaparte.

There are a good many side characters to keep straight. The mother of the hero popped in so late in the story I had to go back, as I imagined she had died. Turns out that was the hero's first wife. Actually, the enormous cast of characters reminds me somewhat of Bleak House. The child characters were particularly shallowly drawn. Least annoying minor character would have to be the nameless animal sidekick: a hedgehog.

There is a thing in books I refer to as King Syndrome-- it comes of an editor who is too timid with Ye Olde Red Pen. See Also: The Stand.

Book 25: Love, Mom: Poignant, Goofy, Brilliant Messages from Home

Wow, are these 'authors' in for a shock when they have kids. The only writing they did for the book was a bunch of snotty asides before each section and a few toss-away chapterlets. The best parts of the book are the emails, sent by mothers all over the internet. Skip the book, hit the website.